


""life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness""

by solacier



Series: thomas, we are engaged- [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: ARE EXTREMELY LOWKEY, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Animal Abuse, Animal Negligence, Animals, Bad Jokes, Bubonic Plague, James is so done, Oh My God, Suicide Jokes, THE LAST THREE, Talk of Suicide, Texting, Thomas is never done, Thomas should never be allowed to have pets, chat fic, i've, i've done this, lowkey, more like, this is it, very lowkey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 11:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14831780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solacier/pseuds/solacier
Summary: In which, James quickly learns that Thomas has an obsession with a certain phrase.And should never, never, never be allowed near animals ever again.(Stereotypical Jeffmads Texting Fic, because Tropes [tm] )





	""life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness""

_tomjeff#1743 created a new chatroom!_

_tomjeff#1743 named the chatroom!_

Virginia Born And Raised™ 

_tomjeff#1743 changed nicknames!_

_tomjeff#1743 ⇒ missingshit_

_missingshit invited jamiemadis#0029_

_jemadis#0029 accepted the invite!_

**missingshit:** jemmy!!!

 **jemmadis#0029:** hold on

_jemmadis#0029 ⇒ deathpls_

**deathpls:** better

 **missingshit:** ):

 **deathpls:** wow rude

 **missingshit:** why do you want death??

 **deathpls:** anything is better

 **deathpls:** than having to deal

 **missingshit:** with me being gone

 **deathpls:** with finals

 **deathpls:** no wtf 

**missingshit:** ):

 **deathpls:** pull that face one more time imma leave

 **missingshit:** )’:

_deathpls has left the chatroom!_

**missingshit:** nO JAMES

_missingshit has added deathpls to the chatroom._

_deathpls has left the chatroom._

_missingshit has added deathpls to the chatroom._

_deathpls has left the chatroom._

_missingshit has added deathpls to the chatroom._

**missingshit:** :)

 **deathpls:** why do i even bother smh

 **missingshit:** anyway

 **deathpls:** god help me

 **missingshit:** how’s america?? is my sweet darlin precious honey bun okay?

 **deathpls:** thomas

 **missingshit:** you making sure she’s okay??

 **deathpls:** thoma

 **missingshit:** no drama???

 **deathpls:** thom

 **missingshit:** no politics???

 **deathpls:** tho

 **missingshit:** no BULLSHIT???

 **deathpls:** th

 **missingshit:** she better be okay

 **deathpls:** t

 **missingshit:** what

 **deathpls:** thomas please she’s just a bunny

 **missingshit:** idgaf sHE’S IMPORTANT TO OUR HISTORY

 **deathpls:** just because u named an animal after a shitty country

 **deathpls:** does not make them important

 **missingshit:** i call bull

 **deathpls:** why the fuck

 **missingshit:** liberty would be very sad to hear you say that

 **deathpls:** omg

 **deathpls:** ya that’ll help remind me of the literal hamster you named liberty

 **deathpls:** definitely helps ur argument

 **missingshit:** hOW DOES IT NOT??

 **deathpls:** why are u obsessed with like

 **deathpls:** ““life liberty and the pursuit of happiness””

 **deathpls:** u have liberty

 **deathpls:** u have america

 **missingshit:** america is NOT included in that phrase

 **deathpls:** what else do you want

 **missingshit:** u forgot life

 **deathpls:** what

 **deathpls:** omg

 **deathpls:** pls dont tell me

 **deathpls:** you actually have

 **deathpls:** a pet named life

 **deathpls:** thomas

 **deathpls:** thomas

 **deathpls:** tommy

 **deathpls:** TOMMY

 **deathpls:** thomas fucking jefferson answer me

 **deathpls:** you’re joking

 **deathpls:** you cannot be serious

 **missingshit:** sent an image! lifeiscute.png

 **deathpls:** omg

 **missingshit:** right?? isn’t she cute

 **missingshit:** sorry i meant he

 **deathpls:** okay let me get this straight

 **missingshit:** ur never gonna be able to do that

 **deathpls:** shut

 **deathpls:** okay

 **deathpls:** you have a pet hamster

 **missingshit:** liberty

 **deathpls:** you have a bunny

 **missingshit:** ya america

 **deathpls:** so the next logical option

 **deathpls:** was for you to get

 **deathpls:** a snake????

 **missingshit:** now you’re getting it!

 **deathpls:** thomas

 **deathpls:** thomas u do know what snakes eat

 **missingshit:** worms

 **deathpls:** NO

 **deathpls:** do not feed snakes worms

 **deathpls:** yOU HAVE A PET SNAKE

 **deathpls:** hOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT IT EATS

 **missingshit:** idk i let the women take care of that

 **deathpls:** …omg

 **missingshit:** i felt angelica schuyler’s ghost stab me

 **deathpls:** yeah me too

 **deathpls:** but anyways

 **deathpls:** snakes eat

 **deathpls:** well some eat

 **deathpls:** RODENTS

 **missingshit:** NO

 **deathpls:** YES

 **missingshit:** NO

 **deathpls:** YES

 **deathpls:** LOOK IT UP

 **deathpls:** IM NOT WRONG

 **missingshit:** i refuse

 **missingshit:** this is clearly a government conspiracy

 **missingshit:** they’re trying to start snake genocide

 **missingshit:** i don’t stan this

 **deathpls:** what happened to you liking ““life liberty and the pursuit of happiness””

 **missingshit:** wait is that why…

 **deathpls:** thomas.

 **missingshit:** …jemmy

 **missingshit:** love of my life.

 **missingshit:** darling of my soul.

 **missingshit:** taker of dick.

 **deathpls:** fuck you

 **missingshit:** other way around sweet cheeks ;)

 **deathpls:** you fuck

 **missingshit:** but

 **missingshit:** is that why i havent seen poh

 **deathpls:** what

 **missingshit:** poh

 **deathpls:** who??? is poh???

 **deathpls:** ???

 **deathpls:** you haven’t seen hydroxide??

 **missingshit:** wh

 **deathpls:** i mean idk if u can really see that anyways

 **missingshit:** no

 **missingshit:** oh it’s an acronym

 **missingshit:** like a nickname

 **deathpls:** ik what an acronym is

 **missingshit:** i meant PAH

 **missingshit:** ...my rat

 **deathpls:** omg

 **deathpls:** you’re not

 **deathpls:** you’re not even joking

 **missingshit:** jemmy

 **missingshit:** love of my life…

 **missingshit:** darling of my soul…

 **deathpls:** repeat the third one and i’ll kick you

 **missingshit:** …

 **missingshit:** taker of illness

 **deathpls:** somehow worse

 **missingshit:** don’t kill me

 **deathpls:** i’ve already figured it out

 **deathpls:** and can i say

 **deathpls:** you are a horrible animal caretaker

 **missingshit:** IT’S NOT MY FAULT PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS GOT EATEN BY LIFE

 **deathpls:** that was not at all what i was gonna say

 **missingshit:** ………..whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

 **deathpls:** i was gonna say

 **deathpls:** snakes usually escape

 **missingshit:** oh

 **deathpls:** but now that you’ve Exposed ™ yourself

 **deathpls:** WHY THE FUCK

 **deathpls:** DID YOU LET YOUR SNAKE

 **missingshit:** HER NAME IS LIFE

 **deathpls:** EAT YOUR RAT???

 **missingshit:** I DIDN’T LET HER

 **missingshit:** I THOUGHT THE MAID WOULD TAKE CARE OF HER

 **deathpls:** DIDN’T YOU THINK THAT MAYBE

 **deathpls:** THEY’D BE TOO SCARED TO????

 **deathpls:** DID YOU EVEN ASK THEM TO???

 **missingshit:** NO I THOUGHT

 **deathpls:** OMG

 **missingshit:** THEY WOULD DO IT BY THEMSELVES

 **deathpls:** Thomas.

 **deathpls:** Thomas.

 **deathpls:** i cant even believe u right now

 **deathpls:** how am i gonna look laurens in the eye

 **missingshit:** who tf

 **deathpls:** john laurens

 **missingshit:** oh wait why

 **deathpls:** Thomas.

 **deathpls:** he volunteers at a veterinary hospital… near college…

 **deathpls:** and now i have to look him in the eye and think

 **deathpls:** ““my best friend killed one of his future patients””

 **missingshit:** who said anything about future patients

 **deathpls:** if the animal was taken in by YOU

 **deathpls:** it’d end up at the vet soon enough

 **missingshit:** harsh.

 **deathpls:** truth.

 **missingshit:** shit u right

 **missingshit:** im sorry but it just dawned on me

 **missingshit:** “life liberty and the pursuit of happiness”

 **missingshit:** didn’t really end up in happy did it

 **deathpls:** THOMAS

 **missingshit:** WHAT

 **deathpls:** THESE ARE YOUR PETS

 **missingshit:** I KNOW

 **deathpls:** AND YOU’RE ALREADY

 **missingshit:** I CAN BUY NEW ONES

 **deathpls:** THEY AREN’T T O Y S THOMAS

 **missingshit:** tell that to the lady who keeps sellin’ them to me.

 **deathpls:** if i go outside to tell her i die

 **missingshit:** …mission accomplished?

 **deathpls:** another thing to add to my suicide note

 **missingshit:** Whoa, hey, Jemmy…

 **deathpls:** im joking thomas chill lmao

 **missingshit:** …Are you sure/

 **missingshit:** *?

 **deathpls:** yes omg

 **deathpls:** ur pets just died

 **deathpls:** u made a death joke

 **deathpls:** so i made one too

 **missingshit:** no but like

 **missingshit:** they aren’t

 **missingshit:** real

 **deathpls:** wtf thomas animals are real ur not high are you

 **missingshit:** no no i mean

 **missingshit:** they aren’t

 **missingshit:** important to my life

 **deathpls:** wow

 **missingshit:** like i can buy new ones

 **deathpls:** they aren’t toys

 **missingshit:** you’re different though

 **deathpls:** what

 **missingshit:** i can’t buy new you’s unfortunately

 **deathpls:** you can if u pay for my healthcare

 **missingshit:** that’s not what i

 **missingshit:** wait are you sick again???????

 **deathpls:** thomas

 **deathpls:** please restate that sentence

 **missingshit:** …what are you sick with

 **deathpls:** the flu

 **missingshit:** hOW THE FUCK

 **deathpls:** im joking

 **missingshit:** thank god

 **deathpls:** i have the bubonic plague

 **missingshit:** HOW THE FUCK

**Author's Note:**

> god help me I smell a series being created
> 
> [my unfortunate only blog, solacierr on tumblr]


End file.
